Siri, please fix my iPhone settings

I wish Apple would take advantage of its current AI crisis to reposition its AI implementation as a genuinely useful tool for users. Consider iPhone configuration settings. When did these get so impossibly complex?

I was at Chicago’s Millennium Park, ready to enjoy the Grant Park Music Festival’s season finale, Carmina Burana, when I heard the gentle “shhhhhhzzzz” white noise from an iPhone. I know this sound well; I use it at work to focus my attention and block out distractions. Next to me, sitting alone, was an older gentleman with hearing aids, desperately tapping on his static-sound-producing older-model iPhone, trying to get it to work. Well, I’m a tech geek, I thought, here’s my moment to shine!

Crouched next to this man — and to my credit, dealing with an older iOS — I could not figure it out. On my phone, I have white noise configured in my Control Center. A simple swipe down from the top right corner shows me shortcuts to things I use often. In settings, one must thrash their way through

Settings > Accessibility > Hearing > Audio > Background Sounds >

which somehow he had accidentally turned on. With the white noise off, I next tried to connect to his hearing aids. In my mind, this should be as simple as Settings > Bluetooth > My Devices and connect; but his device wasn’t there. He said he connected through an app, but he couldn’t remember the app name. We were roadblocked. I tried searching for “Hearing aids” but nothing came up.

This, happens to me regularly too: how am I supposed to remember the name of hundreds of different apps? Is my door lock Meross or Level? Eve or Lutron for those lights? Brands pretend that they have memorable names, but it’s all a mess, really. Messages, at least, says what it is. Shame that the app he was trying to find wasn’t called Hearing Aids.

Imagine a different future:

“Hey Siri. Turn off this static noise my phone is making!” Sure. That white noise is background sounds. You can configure it in the Accessibility settings, but I’ll turn that off now.

“Hey Siri. My hearing aids aren’t working.” It looks like they aren’t connected. Let me do that now… ok, you should be set. Enjoy your concert!

“Thanks, Siri. You’re a gem.”